Naps, raspberries and grown-up quandaries

On the run from naptime.

On the run from naptime.

So sleep training… we’re not there yet.

Lola and I settle down each night after her bath for an hour or so, until she’s fed herself to sleep, basically. And then I carry her sleepy little body across to the cot and lay her down like I’m dealing with live dynamite. She’s started throwing herself onto her side to sleep as well now, in which case I give her a little back rub to seal the deal, or she’ll just relax into her typical “hands up!” I-just-robbed-a-bank kind of pose on her back.

Rufus is all for sleep training and clearly thinks I’m a big sissy. Which is probably true. I’m actually more concerned with her daytime napping at the moment. She is at her best when she naps three times a day, but getting her to nap involves a lot of circling in her pram on our terrace with a fluffy musical bear, a proper outside walk or the boob. And the boob is busy working lately.

In other news, yesterday was a major developmental milestone – the raspberry. Yes, Lola can blow her own raspberries, with LOTS of dribble involved. She’s also ticked pureed carrot, pumpkin, potato and broccoli off the beginner’s bege list. Not a big fan of broccoli. Today we are going with asparagus because who the hell knows how to peel an artichoke? Not me.

In the grown-up world, I am back at work. The work is absolutely fine. But the politics? My boss is AWFUL. Just AWFUL. A cold-hearted egotistical asslicker who apparently is coming for a visit in April. As anyone who’s visited here before will know, this man ejected me from my role while I was pregnant so now I am juggling a baby with negotiations for a new role, with no guarantees, and fairly flimsy legal rights.

He made my pregnancy a very stressful time indeed. And he seems to be on track to make this one pretty stressful too – the clock is ticking on my current life, but now is not the time I would choose to move countries or start a new fulltime job. However, it’s also not the time I would choose to cut off my company health insurance or prospects for a career path.

And I’m feeling completely flummoxed about how to proceed knowing there’s a little blueberry/raspberry/olive inside me busily sprouting a heart and limbs and more brain cells.

In the past few days I completely muffed talks with our Asia office over a job there. They were basically offering me the position, but I was just frozen with indecision.

My quandary, essentially, is that I DO NOT WANT TO MOVE right now! We’ll be worse off financially, as Rufus will be unemployed, at least initially. And I will be in an office long hours for roughly the same money, living in a much more costly place. So I won’t see Lola very much, Rufus will probably feel isolated and frustrated, and I’ll be sad, and feeling guilty for negotiating a role when this pregnancy might proceed and then I’ll be asking for six months leave after only six months in the job.

On the other hand, I would have full legal rights as a staff member again, so I would have medical insurance and the right to maternity leave. And I’d be about ten hours flight time closer to my parents. I could go work for them for six months then just go hang out in Australia on the beach for six months with the new baby, Lola and Rufus. Sure, they’d all be pissed off, but maybe that’s how I need to think now.

So I vacillated all weekend in this way and finally decided I should apply to see how much money they were offering (maybe it would be enough to somehow make it all worthwhile?), and to show them I am serious about wanting to be back on staff. But by the time I sent the email my friend had already had to pass on his recommendation to the big bosses before a key meeting so I missed the boat.

I am a bit lost about what to do. If anyone has advice about how to handle these kind of work difficulties, I am all ears.





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