It’s just something I am trying to cultivate.
It’s a glorious sunny day today and I feel good. No cramps, no sore boobs, no nausea, no dizziness; I’m not even that tired.
Yet a new crazy voice in my head keeps piping up – “Hey, no symptoms, are you really pregnant? Maybe something has gone wrong” “Are you still in there?”.
There was something reassuring about the cramps – I had the feeling that my innards were working away as they should be.
I am trying to swat this new crazy down, for good. As long as there’s no obvious sign that something is wrong, then everything is probably ok.
It’s hard to let go, to trust the universe, or God, or whatever, when it’s been such a difficult journey to get to this point, and I know of so many other women who are still struggling and who have been through much more than me.
I’m not very religious, although I was raised a Catholic, so in times of trouble I find myself praying, almost reflexively. Lately I’ve been saying the serenity prayer a lot.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference”
I have this little nugget of hope growing inside me, and all I can do is eat the right foods, take the right vitamins, send it lots of positive vibes, and hope it has the strength and good genetic make-up to go all the way.