No, we are not going to call our unborn child Serenity, I promise. Even though I was a big Firefly fan and it’s a pretty word and all.

It’s just something I am trying to cultivate.

It’s a glorious sunny day today and I feel good. No cramps, no sore boobs, no nausea, no dizziness; I’m not even that tired.

Yet a new crazy voice in my head keeps piping up – “Hey, no symptoms, are you really pregnant? Maybe something has gone wrong” “Are you still in there?”.

There was something reassuring about the cramps – I had the feeling that my innards were working away as they should be.

I am trying to swat this new crazy down, for good. As long as there’s no obvious sign that something is wrong, then everything is probably ok.

It’s hard to let go, to trust the universe, or God, or whatever, when it’s been such a difficult journey to get to this point, and I know of so many other women who are still struggling and who have been through much more than me.

I’m not very religious, although I was raised a Catholic, so in times of trouble I find myself praying, almost reflexively. Lately I’ve been saying the serenity prayer a lot.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference”

I have this little nugget of hope growing inside me, and all I can do is eat the right foods, take the right vitamins, send it lots of positive vibes, and hope it has the strength and good genetic make-up to go all the way.


2 thoughts on “Serenity

  1. What a beautiful post. I recognize the crazies: you worry when you feel something, you worry when you feel nothing. Trust yourself and your body and try to keep calm and serene. I “knew” something was wrong with me before I knew it, felt it, before there were any symptoms. Call it (female) intuition, I don’t know, but if you stay close to yourself, it’s going to be ok. I’m crossing my fingers and burning candles for you.

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