In the shower today I thought to myself, “You’re not pregnant”.
Despite all of my guided meditations for positive thinking, the drugs, the two high quality embryos, and the early hope, I suddenly felt like it would be nuts to hang on to keep feeding that hope.
I so desperately want a baby. It makes me wonder if all these twinges could possibly be pregnancy twinges instead of plain old period pains.
I was so frightened to start this cycle, because the first failed cycle was just so crushing. Starting was the worst part, up until now.
Now I don’t know if it’s worse to keep hanging in, hoping that I will be one of those lucky women who are convinced their period is on the way and end up being preggers; or just take a home test and see what I can see.
According to a chart I found at Babymed.com, if I took a home test today (14dpo) and it was negative, it would be pretty much definitive. (Only 8 per cent of women who test on that day and get a negative later get a positive)
One of my newfound Twitter friends had an amazing thing happen to her this week – after low early betas, she thought she had experienced a chemical pregnancy. And then, wham – her beta numbers jumped, and a home test gave her that longed-for pink line. It’s wonderful and hopeful and just the kind of story we all cling to during the two week wait. Damn you, Two Week Wait!