In the shower today I thought to myself, “You’re not pregnant”.
Despite all of my guided meditations for positive thinking, the drugs, the two high quality embryos, and the early hope, I suddenly felt like it would be nuts to hang on to keep feeding that hope.
I so desperately want a baby. It makes me wonder if all these twinges could possibly be pregnancy twinges instead of plain old period pains.
I was so frightened to start this cycle, because the first failed cycle was just so crushing. Starting was the worst part, up until now.
Now I don’t know if it’s worse to keep hanging in, hoping that I will be one of those lucky women who are convinced their period is on the way and end up being preggers; or just take a home test and see what I can see.
According to a chart I found at Babymed.com, if I took a home test today (14dpo) and it was negative, it would be pretty much definitive. (Only 8 per cent of women who test on that day and get a negative later get a positive)
One of my newfound Twitter friends had an amazing thing happen to her this week – after low early betas, she thought she had experienced a chemical pregnancy. And then, wham – her beta numbers jumped, and a home test gave her that longed-for pink line. It’s wonderful and hopeful and just the kind of story we all cling to during the two week wait. Damn you, Two Week Wait!
hubbub 
So so sorry to hear about the negative test. I just hope that it’s wrong. When is your blood test?
Hi there… one more day till the blood test, and even though I have a bad feeling about it I haven’t quite stamped out the hope that maybe it will be a surprise positive. Have googled extensively for stories of other women with bad period pains who ended up with a BFP, of course!
Good luck with trigger today! I know it’s one of the most nervewracking moments, but you’ll do fine and it’s another important step forward. My mum reminded me yesterday that we need to take one step at a time. Coming from her, who lives with chronic pain, it sunk in. Am trying to do that today (but who am i kidding, i am a basketcase!)
Sending lots of love and best wishes as you trigger!
The 2ww is a mind f***. I wish there was a better way but we are stuck with enduring the 2ww for answers. For what it’s worth, I was sure my cramps were period cramps… even now at 5w4d I don’t have enough symptoms to truly satisfy me. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you!
Hey thanks hon… I just peed on a stick and it was negative. I couldn’t take it anymore, sitting here feeling AF was coming and hoping desperately it wasn’t. I don’t know what to do next, it just feels impossible 😦