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I am more relaxed about IVF the second time around, but it’s all relative.

“Relaxed” in my case means I burst into tears when I got my period, then thought maybe I hadn’t got my period after all and went dashing off to the chemist for a pregnancy test. Then when I took the test I actually did get my period and ended up sobbing my heart out on the couch with a pot of jasmine tea and my poor baffled Rufus. I am crrraaaaaazy. And I thought I was becoming saner about all of this.

So… I just finished my injection, day 3. I am with a new doctor in a new country, with new drugs.

This time I’m taking 2 Femara tablets a day, and one injection of Gonal-F and Pergoveris. Mixing the injection is a bit of a science experiment, and yesterday I managed to spill some of the liquid, but it was before the drugs were mixed in, so I think I’m ok.

Dr E says he has had a lot of success with using Femara in older women (readers, my 40th birthday is looming fast!) It’s actually a breast cancer drug but has been helpful in treating “poor ovarian responders”. Of course I consulted Dr Google as soon as I got home with my new stash of drugs and found a Dr Malpani in India who outlined pretty much the same protocol I am using this time, saying he had also had a lot of success with poor responders.

My ovaries responded “adequately” to the last cycle, according to my old doc. Which is better than “poor”, right? But still not a word you’d want to see on a performance review.

Dr E has a pretty chilled out, positive persona. “Are you ready?” he asked me when we raced in at the break of dawn the other day. “I guess so,” I said, feeling not ready at all. It’s so awful waiting every month, hope dwindling. But it’s even scarier to be given more hope than usual, and to be spending all this money on that hope. I don’t even want to think about the statistics. I was afraid to start again.

He did an ultrasound, and saw five follies on the left, four on the right, and we were off to the races. Humming a happy tune, he opened up the boxes of Gonal F and Pergoveris to show me how to put together the injection and then jabbed it in my belly.

So here I am, on Day three. Yesterday I had a massive migraine that took me out of action for most of the day. Ended up throwing up and even a hot lavender bath did not help ease the throbbing. I am hoping this is just one of my usual headaches and not a symptom of the new drugs – I don’t want 10 days of that!

During IVF 1 in Australia I was in and out of the clinic every second day for blood tests and ultrasounds. Here I am not due back to see the doc until Day 5, altho he is on speed-dial. I don’t know if I feel positive about this. I am trying not to think too much about it and stay busy. And not too crazy.

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