Blue blue blue


Just feeling so sad today. I wasn’t prepared for how devastating it would be to hear that the IVF cycle didn’t work. I’m not sure you can be – even after trying for so long and getting used to that glum moment when the pregnancy test would show up negative each month, IVF makes you think that this really could be it. It gives you back some hope. And then, that hope ends up being pointless all over again. Maybe not pointless – I don’t want to get into a pity party here.

It’s just I feel so sad and broken, and Rufus is so far away from me. I went to see a friend for a few days to get my mind off things, and that helped a lot. It made me think, ok, with all of our obstacles – lack of money, the probability of having to move countries in the next three months all over again and find all new doctors (and job in the case of Rufus), the uncertainty about the standards of IVF care in Latin America- we can do this. We will find a way to try again.

I need to run around and do errands this week before getting back on the plane to go back to Rufus. It will be a 26 hour trip, and I can’t wait.

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