Lemon myrtle blues

After a lovely hot shower this morning (not too hot, so as not to mess with my core body temperature) I lathered lemon myrtle cream all over my legs.

Then I sat down on my desk, gulped, and typed “lemon myrtle and pregnancy” into google. Arg! Lemon myrtle is best avoided during pregnancy.

Five seconds later I was back in the shower, scrubbing away the offending cream and praying I hadn’t done anything horrible to the embie which may or may not be settling into my uterus about now.

I hope he/she is – for the past two days I’ve had period-like cramps and general miserableness. I like to think that’s implantation. But it could just be the crinone progesterone gel twice a day. Or that my period is coming. (Please no)

I’ve also had nightmares every night and I can’t sleep very well (this NEVER happens to me).

They told me the two week wait would be the hardest bit. I’m not sure yet.

I gave myself a talking to yesterday – “If you have to wait until the 15th, then you may as well do good things on all those days, achieve something positive, contribute something to your family and friends, instead of just reading crap novels and willing the clock to go faster. No one should wish their days away.”

It hasn’t worked very well.

I dragged myself to see a film with my friend yesterday – the film was a documentary called “Babies”. Seeing those adorable children blossom in front of me made me feel all glowy and happy. I willed the glowy and happy feelings towards my uterus, in the hope that they would encourage my embie to blossom as well.

Today I have done some work. Only after watching a film about a greek-american tour guide with a busload of objectionable tourists who finds love in the hirsute form of her bus driver. It made me cry with happiness.

I’m still worried about the lemon myrtle oil a bit, but then I remember the African mum from the babies film – her baby was the happiest most adorable thing in the world, and she didn’t even have any paper to wipe his ass. She just rubbed his bum on knee and then picked up an old corn cob to brush her leg off with. Everyone happy.

I’m lucky enough to live in a world where IVF is possible; but the flipside is we can know too much, and fret too much, while we’re waiting to see what mother nature comes up with.


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