Me no pause!

I don’t want to pause. I want to keep hammering away at this babymaking thing until it WORKS. But after more than a year of trying naturally and having gone through a laparoscopy, an HSG, an endometrial biopsy, scores of wandy ultrasound sessions and waaay too many blood tests, I am on the brink of doing as doctor 1 suggests.

That is, take hormones for three months and bring on a “chemical menopause” – my heart shrinks at the thought of it! – to blast away the last hidden bits of endometriosis to ensure that my uterus is in tip-top shape to receive an embryo.

It’s so weird that menopause breaks down into a childish inner voice refusal to do what I’m being told – me no pause! Which pretty much sums up my gut feeling on all of this. To have to pause when I know time is not on my side is counter-intuitive. It’s like watching the stupid girl in the horror film walk into a dark garden to check out a strange noise, or those dreams where you are running with all your might and not getting anywhere.

After the chemical menopause, the plan is to go straight to IUI, which should address any mucus or semen problems. (Why are so many of the words associated with babymaking so gross?)

If that doesn’t work, we’ll try IVF.

A lot of you out there are already far ahead of me, already in the throes of IVF and IUI and other as yet unknown-to-me acronyms, so maybe this quandary of mine seems small to you. But there’s probably some women out there too who are where I am at – hopeful, sad, confused, stressed and wondering if a baby will ever really happen.

Doc no 2 has recommended that I have a curette to clean out my thick womb lining, and then proceed with IUI and if necessary IVF.

I am leaning towards doc no 1 partly because the hormones would also take care of the womb lining issue AND hidden endo at the same time; partly because we are going to Australia for a month next week and it’s going to be pretty tricky to get started on IUI while we’re on holiday; and partly because Doc no 1 speaks English (this rapid medical Spanish is upping the stress stakes even further) and I believe that he really wants to get me there.

I am going to try to see Garbiela Rosa while I’m in Oz as her twitter posts and website re natural fertility approach seem to me t be so sensible and inspired. If I’m on pause for three months, then I am going to make them count, with lots of exercise, good eating and whatever else advice she has for me!


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